Can I tell you something very personal? I’ve been angry with God. Furious in fact. It’s late, and I didn’t intend for this post to be long but I’m keeping my promise to show-up for us. I believe in God with certainty. And I think that’s what makes me angry sometime. When I look at creation and I see evidence of his power through vast oceans and majestic mountains. I begin to be upset and wonder with such power how come He allowed me to go through some of the most painful events of my life. I don’t know if you believe in God but maybe you’ve felt much like I do. If I were angry with another person I would eventually tell them why I was angry with them. I think He deserves that same level of respect. So I will try and find the words and even if I can’t I believe he can read my heart and He’ll know and understand the words. As I type this I feel like crying. I also feel like screaming. I maintain my composure. It hurts so much. I know you have pain of your own. Battle wounds and scars. Some healed some not so much others maybe re-opened.
Here’s the irony I find in being angry with God. Despite the pain, the hurt, the wounds and everything else. We are still here. My WIndows 11 background at this moment is of the Fraser River at Rearguard Falls in British Colombia. It’s magnificent. I can see with my eyes the trees and the clear rushing water. I can almost hear the water. And I see the trees in velvety greens and gold. I believe he created such beautiful things for our enjoyment. We had rain where I am today but it was beautiful and calming. I’m at a crossroads. I have critical choices to make. How can I stop giving attention and time to appreciate creation. A gift. How can I be angry when I still have the other precious gift He gave- life. There are things that I need to say that I’ve been withholding because I’ve been angry. Before I make my approach to him – in prayer- I will thank him for his magnificent gifts. He deserves the credit and appreciation.
It’s time for me to have a conversation. Same time – tomorrow. I’ll see you here. Until then may you have peace of mind and may your self-talk be kind.
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