No, I did not. I didn’t forget about you and I didn’t forget about myself. I’m just late to post. Because I was out having a good time. Invited to the home of a few friends for a total of 6 of us. Not a large crowd which is just what I need. As I type this I’m eating my second dinner – leftovers lovingly provided by a wonderful host, but an even better friend.
We’re all struggling with something. I vibe with the way Miranda Lambert expressed it – I warned you song lyrics are always going to be a part of our conversation:
“… When it hurts this good you gotta play it twice
Another vice
All dressed up in a pretty black label
Sweet salvation on a dining room table
Waiting on me
Where the numb meets the lonely
It’s gone before it ever melts the ice …
When you can hear the music and her voice in your head it takes it to another level.
I probably should have given this post a different name. Because I don’t know at what point I would have read something that read; “sober” when I was a drinker. Perhaps I would have read it during my heaviest days of drinking because I still may not have identified myself as drinking too much.
My thinking in keeping this title is that this blog is for those who desire change and recognize that it starts within. When you’re ready – you’re ready. Each one in their own time. Exactly how it should be. That’s when real change happens deep within. That’s when it becomes lasting. Even when the setbacks occur – which are to be expected – the get back up and fight reaction remains engaged. That’s a beautiful thing.
We are the underestimated and understated fighters. We are strong enough to be the stage and raise others up. We are joyful when we see others shine. We’ve even underestimated our own strength.
A vice doesn’t make us weak unless we give it the power to do that. Battling or overcoming a vice makes us broaden our level of understanding to be sympathetic, empathetic and compassionate for others. That all fits in the gray. That is a gift. Don’t be afraid of your potential, your ability, your power or your vice will overpower you. That will cause you to lose hope. In turn, it will cause you to miss out on the time you have to spend enjoying the happiness you are worthy to receive. It is less time spent knowing the true you.
It’s way past my bedtime. That’s no bueno.
But I wanted to tell you that I was out enjoying time with friends not to brag. But to let you know I had a wonderful time sober. I have enjoyed wonderful times without drinking for over two years now. You need to know that no matter what your vice is what your choice of self-sabotage or self-abuse is, he painful yearnings and urges that may seem like an unending dark tunnel will come to pass. And on the other side a great time without the crutch you thought you needed to survive does exists. A life free from secrecy, and a life free from the resulting guilt awaits you.
Now, It’s time for a break down. Sorry those are lyrics from my girls En Vogue. I am definitely tired. I have to tell you something that I did not know until I was hospitalized for my depression and we learned this in group. Please know, I am not a doctor but you need to be aware that alcohol withdrawal and withdrawal from Benzodiazepines ( Xanax, Valium, or Ativan) are the two withdrawals you can die from without proper medical treatment. I don’t think enough people know that. So please, seek the proper help period.
Know that I want the best for you and my hope for you is real. So is the hope I have for myself. But in order for us to thrive we’ve got to get our rest.
Until tomorrow, may you have peace of mind and may your self-talk be kind.