This was the warning given to me by my mother when I was a child and spoke disrespectfully. I just deleted the explanation point from the end of the sentence because my Mother never said it excitingly. She said it calmly. At that point I was supposed to pause, yield and self-evaluate then try again. I would get frustrated with those words because my feeling was my point or my reasoning isn’t going to be understood if you don’t hear it with the anger and the frustration. I wanted to yell back, “No, you listen to what I’m saying and how I say it!” The end. That’s what it would have been had I said that. Looking back my Mother was teaching me something very valuable about effective communication. You can, in fact, communicate anger, frustration and all sorts of emotions without speaking disrespectfully. My mother was addressing my communication with other people. What I see in life is that the way we speak to ourselves is reflected in the way we speak to others. It is a reflection of how we feel about ourselves.
You ever have that nightmare where you open your mouth to scream and nothing comes out. You can’t get the help you want to call for in this nightmare because either no one can hear you or no voice is ever ejected no matter how hard you try. What happens when someone yells or screams at you? If you’ve been in that unfortunate situation then you know you only hear the tone and manner in which you are being spoken. The noise is too much for you to get the actual message. Your brain is trying to process the trauma of the sounds. When we speak in that manner to our own bodies it is similarly traumatic. We are translating the harsh sounds into messages that demean us: “I’m stupid”, “dumb” instead of retrieving the potential learning lessons that can help us to grow.
We have all been the witness to someone speaking abusively and disrespectfully to another. It makes us angry. We want to defend the person being violated. So should it be when we speak to ourselves. Create the environment conducive to growth in our own minds so that we can get the important messages and learn and grow. Cursing, belittling and damning ourselves will keep us stuck. We are leveling up in the way we speak to ourselves and letting that same voice radiate from the inside out.
My Mother didn’t know that from such a young age my speech was a reflection of how I felt about myself. If you’re a parent who sees this anger and frustration in your child, don’t ignore it. Explore it. But also be an example in the way that your child sees and hears your internal dialog expressed and displayed. It has far reaching ripple effects. We’re not just trying to survive anymore we’re trying to live life for the long-term. A life worth living starts with our internal dialog. We can be truthful and kind at the same time.
Until the next time. May you find an abundance of peace.